His comments were that he saw her older MRI and didn’t really see anything that warranted her taking so much pain meds. He wanted to do another one but she pushed for her Percocet. His hands were tied, I believe. He won’t give her anymore and now she is up the proverbial creek without a paddle. (I guess she’ll have to submit to the MRIs now?)

He had also suggested shots in her back which she only refused and whined about the inconvenience to her to get in to see him for a series of 3 – 4 shots over a 8 week period. She also pointed out that she had had some years ago and insists that it was a waste.

So, now what?

R is fuming. He thinks the whole med system is a racket and is trying to kill the poor and infirm. He drives Betty nuts with his deluded dream that she will soon be able to toss her walker and make meals for him again – like the old days – if she would only try this or that “quack” remedy.

B wants to be dead and wonders why God won’t either take her pain or her life.

You know, I have thought about all this for some time and that is we all “wear” our stress/anxiety in different ways. B wears hers in her back. I wear mine in my gut as do others in the family. You probably know where you “wear” yours. Anyway, I begin to know why they have given her yet another anti-depressant to quell her nerves rather than a stronger pain med.

Stress and anxiety plays games with our minds and sets up shop in our bodies and begins to manifest itself as this or that symptom. They couldn’t find a physical reason for Bob’s shrieking pain in his belly every time he eats so they call it IBS and send him home with something like Zanax or nortriptaline. They can’t find a significant reason for B’s back pain other than normal arthritis and compression fracture, neither of which warrant heavy pain control.

I say it is just remembered pain or what ever you want to call it. The pain is very real but could just as easily disappear if the person could heal the emotional/spiritual hurt that began it in the first place. Am I nuts? I don’t think so.

Meanwhile, I TRY not to lose it – being a bystander in all this. B asked the other day about how I thought about this patch. I told her I didn’t have her body so I couldn’t answer that but that if she thought it would help she ought to try. Well, she wrestles with the possible horrible side effects but gives it a try anyway as the pain is so unbearable.

I am sorry for the whine… I wonder how health care professionals get though the day dealing with patients like B who have no cure in sight. Even dealing with cancer, a doctor can see the “enemy”. With this, the enemy is invisible. It would drive me to some bad habit I am sure.