Mom is doing so much better of late. Why? Well, at Dad’s urging, back in May of 2010 she began taking large doses of Niacinamide (B3) – 250 mg every 3 hours. He read in one of his medical journal subscriptions about how it is used to cure Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia. But it also seems to affect mental illness as her anxiety levels have come down to what I would call normal, like most of us deal with.

The result is that she is less stressed – more “with it” – more cooperative. While she still hurts as much as ever (I suppose), she is dealing with it less emotionally using the usual pain meds and not craving more. How can I say it… she is just more reasonable – doesn’t take her meds at the first instance of pain but is willing to see how the pain goes. In a way she is managing her pain better than ever.

Since there is no known toxicity levels when taking B3, he had her take it every two hours.  Within a month, she was noticeably more interactive, more able to reason; to think.

The fall-out though, is that she is more able to decide what she wants to do with her life. This is very frustrating for Dad after so many years of him just telling her what to do. She seems to be her own person for the first time in years, even since I’ve known her. While he is glad she isn’t losing her mind to dementia, his old chauvinist leanings are being taxed to the limit. The irony of all the years of his searching for a cure for her pain is that he didn’t think of the ramifications.

His comments were that he saw her older MRI and didn’t really see anything that warranted her taking so much pain meds. He wanted to do another one but she pushed for her Percocet. His hands were tied, I believe. He won’t give her anymore and now she is up the proverbial creek without a paddle. (I guess she’ll have to submit to the MRIs now?)

He had also suggested shots in her back which she only refused and whined about the inconvenience to her to get in to see him for a series of 3 – 4 shots over a 8 week period. She also pointed out that she had had some years ago and insists that it was a waste.

So, now what?

R is fuming. He thinks the whole med system is a racket and is trying to kill the poor and infirm. He drives Betty nuts with his deluded dream that she will soon be able to toss her walker and make meals for him again – like the old days – if she would only try this or that “quack” remedy.

B wants to be dead and wonders why God won’t either take her pain or her life.

You know, I have thought about all this for some time and that is we all “wear” our stress/anxiety in different ways. B wears hers in her back. I wear mine in my gut as do others in the family. You probably know where you “wear” yours. Anyway, I begin to know why they have given her yet another anti-depressant to quell her nerves rather than a stronger pain med.

Stress and anxiety plays games with our minds and sets up shop in our bodies and begins to manifest itself as this or that symptom. They couldn’t find a physical reason for Bob’s shrieking pain in his belly every time he eats so they call it IBS and send him home with something like Zanax or nortriptaline. They can’t find a significant reason for B’s back pain other than normal arthritis and compression fracture, neither of which warrant heavy pain control.

I say it is just remembered pain or what ever you want to call it. The pain is very real but could just as easily disappear if the person could heal the emotional/spiritual hurt that began it in the first place. Am I nuts? I don’t think so.

Meanwhile, I TRY not to lose it – being a bystander in all this. B asked the other day about how I thought about this patch. I told her I didn’t have her body so I couldn’t answer that but that if she thought it would help she ought to try. Well, she wrestles with the possible horrible side effects but gives it a try anyway as the pain is so unbearable.

I am sorry for the whine… I wonder how health care professionals get though the day dealing with patients like B who have no cure in sight. Even dealing with cancer, a doctor can see the “enemy”. With this, the enemy is invisible. It would drive me to some bad habit I am sure.