Ring. Ring.  I heave a slightly impatient sigh.  I know it is Mom again, needing to know I can take her to the eye doctor.  My impatience is quickly pushed aside as I let her know I will be glad to take her.

You see, Mom has been slowly losing her world.  Many years ago, due to back pain, she became confined to her small room.  After years of being active in church and raising a family, it slowly crept up on her.  Frankly, she could have fought it off and dealt with the pain better but each of us learns to deal with life in our own ways.  For her, she just sat down and decided to let the pain be her companion.

Not too many years ago deafness has continued to shut her world down.  No more country music and she can only make out the Walton’s reruns from her memory.

And now her vision.  Why?  Well, the sad truth is that all the strong pain meds she has taken for years have apparently been a big reason why she has lost most of her hearing and now her failing vision.

What makes some us sit down and quit and some of us get up and fight?  Why do I get impatient with Mom?  I see she gave up years ago and all she is suffering today is due to her quitting.  But what I see more clearly is that the reason I get impatient with her is that, for all my tough, “get up and fight” talk, I feel like quitting, too – sometimes.

And that makes me mad!  My impatience is a sign that I see the same thing in me.

They say admitting it is half the battle, so now you know.  And now I can maybe have a bit more patience with her, knowing how easy it is to just sit down and quit.  And now I can take myself in hand and resist the easier path of sitting down.

Caring for Mom has taught me many things about myself and, for this, I thank God – for his wisdom is seeing I needed to come face to face with my lazy side.  It has been hard watching her wither.  But now I know why.  Because I saw me in her – if I don’t make a point of being proactive with my health and staying “tight” with God – she will be me in 30 years.

I want to live everyday to its fullest, thanking God, praising Jesus, serving my husband, caring for my children and in-laws – right to the very end.  If God should give me the years, I will LIVE until I die.

Many years ago (about 25 now) I was discussing homeschooling with a public school teacher.  She was patiently trying to convince me that homeschooling was an untried method and the “report card” on schooling at home wasn’t in yet.  I was a young and untried mom at the time so I just patiently listened to her – not taking her advice.

I have schooled the children at home since my oldest was in first grade and the report card on homeschooling is in for us.  While I don’t have any rocket scientists amongst my progeny, I am happy to say that all the older students are excellent readers and can hold their own in math.  They each have excelled in their chosen fields.

What is more, though, they have something public schooled students don’t have.  The ability to learn – anything!  That counts for more than any 12 year imprisonment just to keep kids out of employment and off the streets.  My kids may not have all their geographical terms down or know all the names of the US Presidents in order (well, my son, Matt, does and knows their wives, when they served, and whether they take milk in their tea!)  But they know how to find out!!  My kids can converse with the elderly in a friendly, cheerful way as they can with little kids.

You know what my kids missed not going to public school?  They missed trying to slide by the smokers who stand at the school gates.  They missed being taunted and teased for being different.  My daughters and sons missed taking showers in PE and how demeaning it is to be smaller, bigger, fatter, skinnier than the other kids.  They missed feeling left out because the guy/girl they liked didn’t choose them for the dance.

Well, I don’t apologize for that. Their dad and I didn’t purpose to raise them to be street wise but God-wise.  There is time enough to get wise to the world.  Innocence once lost is gone.  Sure it is awkward  or uncool to not know who Britney Spears is (I still don’t know or CARE!) when you are hanging out with people that spend all their free time zoned out in front of a video game with rock music thrumming in the background.

Homeschooling is becoming more and more the choice of parents, Christian or otherwise.  Parents are realizing that their kids will get better learning at home with close to one on one training in the 3 Rs PLUS lifestyle learning: planning meals, repairing tools, fixing a car, balancing a budget, dealing with peers and non-peers alike, …

Yes, the report card is in and as a choice for educating young people to become solid adults – it gets all A’s.

Years ago, my sister in law and I discussed how we would care for our husbands’ parents as they approached the declining years. A nursing home was out of the picture, so we knew that one of us would take on the day to day care. At the time, I had no idea how that conversation would pan out. I sort of assumed that she would take on the “project” as I felt her personality lent itself to caring for others.

Time went on and I had a family of 9 children; she had 5. They moved away due to economic hard times as did we. Then 3 years ago, it became rather apparent who would get the main job of caring for our in laws – my husband and me. It turns out I have a better temperament to deal with the inconsistencies of an aging older man who’s used to being independent and the rooster in his hen house.

So, Mom and Dad moved in next door. Remember, these are not my parents so it has been a mixed blessing of having their respect and also trying be a diplomat when my father in law struggles with losing his health and freedom.

At first I really bucked at this new “hat” I had to wear. I really didn’t feel qualified to take it on! But as things have turned out, all is as good as it can be in our circumstances.

Nursing home is still not an option for them, emotionally speaking as well as financially. Although I did have to lay down the law that I will not be able to take care of either of them if they get hurt like a broken hip or whatever. In that case, I had to tell them that they’ll have to recover in a nursing home or whatever suitable place.

What do you do? The fact remains: they are on their last leg of their journey of life. What a place to be when you are not emotional prepared. But are any of us ever prepared? Not really. We sort of sweep it under the rug.

But then one day there it is. Then your back is up against the wall. If it weren’t for my faith in God, I would have long since “lost it”.

You see, I am a problem solver. I can get very distracted solving problems, all the way from unclogging a sink to lengthening a handle to make the chair lever more usable for my mother in law.

But what do you do when you come face to face with something that has no solution? What do you do when what you have is a predicament that you just have to “deal with”?  Well, that is the key – learning how to deal with it.  It is times like this when chronic illness and failing health are just something to deal with.  Like death, there are some things you just must face.  Roll up your sleeves, dig in and take it one step at a time.

I am embarking on uncharted territory when I have to face the unsolvable.   Frankly, I thought I was a very devout, faithful believer.  But when faced with this kind of thing, well, it is time to really let the rubber meet the road in your faith.  All my fixing tools are gone.  I just have to walk in faith and deal with the daily inevitability of ill health and the long dying/death of my in-laws.

Is there hope?  That depends on how you look at all of life.  If you take a larger view, there is always hope.  I remind myself that what I see is not the whole picture.  My Father sees it all and in the whole scheme of things, what I am going through is no new thing.  I just need to learn to deal with a new way of living.  I am now learning to live the Serenity Prayer:

GOD grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I am the first one to tell you that I know that it isn’t Scripture but it is truth.  May you be able to learn the difference between the things you can change and the things you need to accept.

No one who has truly come face to face with caring for their elderly parents with failing health has any idea how big this job is.  You don’t read about it everyday – it just isn’t a favorite topic of conversation.  And unless you are settled with how you will spend eternity, it is a rather dismal season of life.  No one wants to see someone lose their independence – lose their vitality.

So how do you face it?  That has been my daily question and daily I get to discover the answers.  Each person – each situation is different.  In this blog I will share my gleanings so that perhaps it will help others.

I will tell you it is a lonely often sad job – caring for your aging parents.  There are lots of books on how to deal with various aspects of daily care, emotional deficiencies, helps available, etc.  I have gleaned much reading books which I will recommend later.  There are some forums online too if you need “community” which I found I do.

Right now, I will be upfront and say, it is hard to care for my in-laws – the hardest thing i have ever done and I have raised 9 kids at various levels of maturity.  Dealing with their struggle with loss of independence.  While learning compassion, it helps me to remember how hard it must be for them to give up something that has been so much part of their lives.

No, caring for aging parents is harder than raising kids and well, I think God prepared me for this by first letting me learn through raising my young adults (teens).  We all know the struggle of parent and growing adult child!!  You find yourself breathing a sigh of relief as they find their way to their own life.  I love my grown children but there is no doubt I was ready for them to leave the nest!

Well, caring for my in-laws is like that only, well, when they leave, it will be leaving this world.  Hence the rather dismal tone and feel to this season of their life.  Certainly we will rejoice when their frail, pain filled bodies are set free of this world – but it is nonetheless a melancholy time – no doubt.

Feel free to share your insight and any encouragment.  till next time…

I get to help my in-laws on a daily basis.  Usually it means that her large pills are crushed and mixed into applesauce, warming up her pureed foods, making up the bed… but then there are days when it all happens!

The other day I noticed that Betty’s lips looked swollen and she commented that they felt hot. Her tongue was red too.  I called the nurse to see if we needed to get seen.  We ended up heading to see Rob, her PA.

 Turns out she wasn’t drinking enough water and since she is a mouth breather her mucus membranes were inflamed.  

He noticed, too, that she is anemic and ordered a blood test to confirm that she was unsafe.  Now she needs to take iron + B vitamins to help build her blood.  She may need a transfusion if this doesn’t work.

Wow, you just sort of plod along in life and don’t notice the signs till you crash.  I mean to be more careful in the future.  Life is fragile. Cherish it and care for your own body!