Ring. Ring.  I heave a slightly impatient sigh.  I know it is Mom again, needing to know I can take her to the eye doctor.  My impatience is quickly pushed aside as I let her know I will be glad to take her.

You see, Mom has been slowly losing her world.  Many years ago, due to back pain, she became confined to her small room.  After years of being active in church and raising a family, it slowly crept up on her.  Frankly, she could have fought it off and dealt with the pain better but each of us learns to deal with life in our own ways.  For her, she just sat down and decided to let the pain be her companion.

Not too many years ago deafness has continued to shut her world down.  No more country music and she can only make out the Walton’s reruns from her memory.

And now her vision.  Why?  Well, the sad truth is that all the strong pain meds she has taken for years have apparently been a big reason why she has lost most of her hearing and now her failing vision.

What makes some us sit down and quit and some of us get up and fight?  Why do I get impatient with Mom?  I see she gave up years ago and all she is suffering today is due to her quitting.  But what I see more clearly is that the reason I get impatient with her is that, for all my tough, “get up and fight” talk, I feel like quitting, too – sometimes.

And that makes me mad!  My impatience is a sign that I see the same thing in me.

They say admitting it is half the battle, so now you know.  And now I can maybe have a bit more patience with her, knowing how easy it is to just sit down and quit.  And now I can take myself in hand and resist the easier path of sitting down.

Caring for Mom has taught me many things about myself and, for this, I thank God – for his wisdom is seeing I needed to come face to face with my lazy side.  It has been hard watching her wither.  But now I know why.  Because I saw me in her – if I don’t make a point of being proactive with my health and staying “tight” with God – she will be me in 30 years.

I want to live everyday to its fullest, thanking God, praising Jesus, serving my husband, caring for my children and in-laws – right to the very end.  If God should give me the years, I will LIVE until I die.

No one who has truly come face to face with caring for their elderly parents with failing health has any idea how big this job is.  You don’t read about it everyday – it just isn’t a favorite topic of conversation.  And unless you are settled with how you will spend eternity, it is a rather dismal season of life.  No one wants to see someone lose their independence – lose their vitality.

So how do you face it?  That has been my daily question and daily I get to discover the answers.  Each person – each situation is different.  In this blog I will share my gleanings so that perhaps it will help others.

I will tell you it is a lonely often sad job – caring for your aging parents.  There are lots of books on how to deal with various aspects of daily care, emotional deficiencies, helps available, etc.  I have gleaned much reading books which I will recommend later.  There are some forums online too if you need “community” which I found I do.

Right now, I will be upfront and say, it is hard to care for my in-laws – the hardest thing i have ever done and I have raised 9 kids at various levels of maturity.  Dealing with their struggle with loss of independence.  While learning compassion, it helps me to remember how hard it must be for them to give up something that has been so much part of their lives.

No, caring for aging parents is harder than raising kids and well, I think God prepared me for this by first letting me learn through raising my young adults (teens).  We all know the struggle of parent and growing adult child!!  You find yourself breathing a sigh of relief as they find their way to their own life.  I love my grown children but there is no doubt I was ready for them to leave the nest!

Well, caring for my in-laws is like that only, well, when they leave, it will be leaving this world.  Hence the rather dismal tone and feel to this season of their life.  Certainly we will rejoice when their frail, pain filled bodies are set free of this world – but it is nonetheless a melancholy time – no doubt.

Feel free to share your insight and any encouragment.  till next time…

I get to help my in-laws on a daily basis.  Usually it means that her large pills are crushed and mixed into applesauce, warming up her pureed foods, making up the bed… but then there are days when it all happens!

The other day I noticed that Betty’s lips looked swollen and she commented that they felt hot. Her tongue was red too.  I called the nurse to see if we needed to get seen.  We ended up heading to see Rob, her PA.

 Turns out she wasn’t drinking enough water and since she is a mouth breather her mucus membranes were inflamed.  

He noticed, too, that she is anemic and ordered a blood test to confirm that she was unsafe.  Now she needs to take iron + B vitamins to help build her blood.  She may need a transfusion if this doesn’t work.

Wow, you just sort of plod along in life and don’t notice the signs till you crash.  I mean to be more careful in the future.  Life is fragile. Cherish it and care for your own body!

Well, the visit to the doctor was quite an adventure.  All went well though.  I must say that the fellow (Doctor) has a pleasant bedside manner and taking my mother-in-law to see him will be pleasant, too.

Very briefly, Mom and Dad, live next door to us.  They are both needing assistance for basic functions.  Dad takes care of her needs most of the time yet he is nearly crippled with his own bad knees and hip.

Mark or I take them to the doctor or pick up medicine of groceries.  I crush her meds into apple sauce.  We all get the opportunity to look for ways to make their life more comfortable.  The children get an opportunity to serve (I will discuss this in the future much more).  Yes, it is not easy but who said life would be easy?!

I provide special food for her as she cannot manage food that is more coarse than applesauce.  That gives me the opportunity to be somewhat creative.  Ever thought of making a beef stew in a food processor?  It’s her favorite!  I make it up in a casserole dish for a week’s worth of lunches.  I make mashed potatoes and layer them in the dish and then spoon the gravy-like consistency “stew” over it.  Dad or I will then cut a chunk everyday and heat it up on the stove.

I got ideas for no-chew foods from the The I-Can’t-Chew Cookbook: Delicious Soft Diet Recipes for People with Chewing, Swallowing, and Dry Mouth Disorders, if you’re interested.  All the recipes in it are standard favorites with the one main requirement that they are smooth in consistency.  This is useful for not only when one cannot swallow but for those times when teeth hurt or after a throat surgery.  Frankly, I was fresh out of ideas to make good tasting meals that were soft.  Borrow it from the library or read about it at Amazon.

Speaking of making a casserole, I must be off to make her weekly dish!